This are some things that represent consistency to me (Jesus, Christmas lights, mountains (specifically Mt. Rainier), and coffee dates).
If you're a senior, whether college or high school or something else, or you're transitioning in life or you're not, this post is for you.
I moved back to college for the last time today. I'll be gone for a week for spring break, and for a few days at a time for a weekend or whatever, but this was it. One more semester. I'm still wondering what happened to the other seven before this.
Ask me (or another senior) how I'm doing at some point during this semester (or last) and I'll probably give you some vague wild-eyed answer about how life is crazy or it's senior year or something like that. If you want to know what that's like, it's a roller coaster. One minute it's laughing until I cry with the roommates, the next it's comprehending the impending reality of fully supporting myself, paying bills, finding a job, and wondering if I could actually live off of minimum wage if I had to. Back to my college life of joyful run ins with friends at coffee shops. Next, "I'm literally going to never see 95% of these people after this semester... really?!" If you're in high school it's college apps and the thought of not living in your house. To be completely honest I finished that sentence about jobs and then opened another tab for my school's job website to see if they have any helpful postings. See what I mean?
The last year of my life has seen more transitions, challenges, and joys than many other years before combined. The best I can describe is that I've been left with a deep sense of "whaaaaat?" in many parts of life- faith relationships, identity, future plans, present plans, what I've done in the past. I thought I knew who I was until I lived in China for a semester but then oh yeah I went to Colorado for the summer and then wait, hold up, I'm back in Michigan for this weird senior year thing, except ah crap, this community changed while I was gone and I changed too. Yikes! Where do I fit now? 365 days can hold a lot, people.
There's a song I love called "One Thing Remains" that I've quoted on this blog multiple times before, it was one of my jams a year ago, during the fall semester where my life got turned upside down. Basically it says that the one thing that remains is God's love and the Truth of the Gospel. This year, everything I thought I knew got turned upside down, except for this simple yet infinitely profound fact. There were also a lot of times that I didn't feel like God loved me, or had a plan for me, or that I had screwed up and let Him down and therefore missed the said plan. But I know that this is true. I KNOW that the Gospel is true because God's Word says that it is, and I have seen it proven true multiple times in my life and in the lives of my friends. I choose to cling to this truth and follow Jesus even when I don't FEEL like it. This is perseverance and it leads to faith (James 1, Romans 5). By no means am I saying that I have this figured out, or trying to glorify myself, (actually the contrary), its that I've had a big season of doubt but God is still who He says He is.
Tonight, I was sitting in my friend's living room praying and worshipping with more friends, feeling the confused angst that is everything I've just described. I didn't want to be there because I didn't want to invest because goodbyes are hard and the future is uncertain. We sang a few songs and I was writing frantically in my journal trying to understand what I was feeling, again clinging to that Truth in my mind but not in my heart. But, God brought breakthrough (as He is quite prone to doing!) Here's the gist- I am her. I am the one He made His daughter, He made me the way He wants me to impact the world for His glory. Why do I doubt? This is where I realized I have a choice, and maybe you'll realize that you have a choice too.
Seniors, this is it. This is all we get now. It's easy to want to throw something at the wall because time is moving too fast and the big world is scary, or maybe you're not like me and you're ready for the next chapter. But we have a choice. We can stew in these emotions or we can choose joy. I can look around the room and my heart hurts because this doesn't last forever. Or, I can say I AM SO THANKFUL for this person and the role they've had in my life, and I'm going to be intentional when we no longer live in the same four block radius. For most of the relationships, the intention will fade with time, and maybe, maybe, that's going to be okay because there will be new people in the next thing and the next thing after that. Maybe enjoying the present is better than freaking out about the future. Or, if you're in the other boat, don't write this off too quickly. You are still in this time for a reason, and the next one won't be quite like it. Because I know that God is who He says He is, because He's proved it before and He'll prove it again, the more I look for the evidence of this the more I'll find it. This season has had rich parts and hard parts and so will the next season and the one after that. You may be thinking, "well, DUH" but it seems that these truths are easier to forget then we'd like to think.
Here's to the last one- choosing joy and trusting God. Le' go.
