How did I get here? Why am I going?
Jesus.
That's the shortest answer that I can give. Jesus suffered mightily on behalf of the sins of all humanity, because He LOVES US SO MUCH. His love is freely given though it is undeserved. His grace inspite of our sin is abundant. Claiming to be a follower of Jesus means that I am willing to give my life in whatever way God asks me to. It means that everyone deserves to know His name and what He did. It means that since my heart beats for Him, it also beats for justice for the enslaved and healing for the broken.
The longer story of why I'm moving to Thailand for a year began in my freshman year of high school when I read Sold by Patricia McCormick. It's written from the perspective of a young girl trapped in a brothel, sold for sex many times a day. It was my first exposure to the existence of such atrocities and it blew my mind that a girl could be abused in such a way. Not every child has the gift of this kind of innocence. I read more books and learned more and got older. Stopping human trafficking is something I've been passionate about for awhile.
I went to the Urbana conference a year and a half ago. 17,000 college age students gathering together to learn about missions, God's heart for the nations, and to worship. It was a life changing experience. There's a night there where we stood up if we were hearing God's call to long term missions in some way, and filled out a small card with whatever our commitment was. The speaker, after telling her own incredible story of witnessing to the Gospel in one of the most challenging places on earth, was talking about how the Light of the Gospel of Jesus needs to shine in the darkest of places on earth. In my mind, I saw eyes- dead and without hope. I saw a red light, shining in the darkness. I wrote on my card "to bring hope and dignity to His daughters." I checked that I would go into missions long term. And there you have it. Other moments I recall up to this point were hearing the song "Reckless" by Jeremy Camp at a concert over the summer, a late 4am night spent pacing my house in November and realizing that I would be applying to NightLight, the settling of the knowledge that the answer to my "after college questions" involved bringing light to women who have been undignified and abused. Several people in my life recently have been set free from the effects of sexual sin, whether it be pornography addiction or childhood abuse. We are learning how interrelated all of these issues are, such as trafficking and pornography, and just how deep this kind of brokenness can run. Their perseverance and continual claim that Christ is victor, along with the pain that I feel with them for what has happened to them, has inspired me to combat this evil in whatever way I can.
As I talked to friends, family, and wise mentors about NightLight, I have not had a single person tell me that they thought it was a bad idea. God uses His people all the time. A wise teaching that I recently heard was that the way to discern things is through the Word of God, the Spirit of God and the people of God. The Word has countless mentions sharing the Gospel with those who do not yet know it, going to the nations, shining light, and a host of other commands that directly relate to my experience. This verse is a prophecy from Isaiah that was made about Jesus: "The Spirit of the sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives, and release from the darkness for prisoners" (Isaiah 61:1). This is what Jesus is in the business of doing. As far as discerning from the Spirit, I prayed and prayed. I stopped praying for direct revelation and simply started praying that I would make the right choice and that God would put me where He wanted me. I've been terrified at the thought of what lays ahead, yet I've never had the feeling that I was making the wrong choice. I have to say, I think I'm three for three on this one.
This is about Jesus, not about me. I want to see Him glorified in the time and place and with the people that He's going to be placing with me. This isn't going to be a vacation. I don't (yet) speak an ounce of Thai. I don't know how to relate to someone who has been violated and abused for the profit of others every night for years. I don't know what I would do if I came into contact with someone who could do these things to another human. I don't know how I'm going to raise the funds that I need to be there. I'm almost tripling the amount of time I've been away from home at any one time before. I don't know how I'm going to process the darkness and pain that I'm going to work so closely to.
There's one answer: Jesus. It's for Him and in Him and through Him that I step out into this next great unknown, away for the last time from this place called Hope, into a life that I can't yet imagine. I am spectacularly unqualified for what I'm about to do, yet strength comes for the Lord. These women deserve to know Him and be set free from their captivity, they deserve to know that they are fierce daughters of the Most High God, that He has called them by name, that His heart breaks for the evil that has been done to them, that He loves them pure and blameless, and that He wants them to know Him as Lord. They deserve hope and dignity.
"The Light shines in the darkness, and the darkness cannot overcome it." -John 1:5
"There is no pit that God's love is not deeper still." -Corrie ten Boom
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