Finding Home in the crazy places

9 days.  That's all I have.  Then I'll move out of Dykstra Hall for the last time.  Its crazy, but even after two years, I'm going to miss it.  Even after being an RA and one of the only sophomores in the infamous all freshmen girls dorm, I'm sad to leave.  This place holds a piece for my heart.  It holds my own freshman year, snug and cozy in my little cluster home, life chats with the roommate watching feet of snow fall outside, the insane moving to college emotional rollercoaster, so much growing up.  It holds a new adventure, in loving 22 awesome freshman ladies and watching them grow from wide eyed newbies to awesome friends, in a beautiful sisterhood in my staff, in the crazy moments that comes with being an RA, in the moments where all I can do is laugh.  I've never (will never) live in a dorm with normal hallways or with guys down the hall.  My heart is here, for these girls, for the craziness this unique set up brings, the life season that freshman year is.  We had our last staff meeting tonight, with a wonderful encouragement activity, gag gifts appropriate to our year, and a wooden shoe with my name on it.  We laughed until we cried, we cried until we laughed.  I'm going to miss those girls to pieces.  We shared a very unique with job, and those girls have been the ones who have supported me unconditionally through this year, because they're the ones who really get what this job is.  I had my last night of duty, hanging out in our high quality pea soup colored duty box, watching Friends in the lobby, doing rounds.  I walked through the dorms when I visited junior year, and I automatically knew that this was where I wanted to live, passing up the chance to live in the "intentionally diverse" community which would have tied in well with my global interests.  I have met so many amazing women here, and had the privilege to live in a unique, crazy, loving, community.  God brought me here, and I am so thankful for both the great freshman living situation I had and the blessing it has been to love and serve my residents and my staff.  A big, white cinder block, stereotypically dorm has become home.  I've learned to make home in the crazy places, my home is in Christ, and I know that I will be able to find home wherever I go.

Adequate.

The attack is silent, swift, deadly, hidden.  Satan comes not in fire, brimstone, loud noise, or open persecution.  He comes cunningly, sneakily, to her fragile heart, her anxious thoughts.  The tape, on mind numbing, soul crushing repeat:

You have no value.
No one cares about you.
You have nothing to offer.
You're worthless.
No one likes you.
See what she said about that person?  Clearly you will never be as good as them.
Everyone else is so much better than you, what's wrong with you?
You can't control anything.
No one wants to be around you.
Everyone but you has friends.
You are invisible.
You can't do this.
You will fail.
God is disappointed with you.  Who do you think you are to think you can do such great things through Him?  You're clearly not as close with Him as everyone else, you are are
so
inadequate.
You don't belong.

She shrivels, and tries to fight, the constant battle of Satan's lies.  But she spirals downward, as she stops believing in her capability to argue back, as she is cut to the core, with the very words that hurt the most.

She sees hope, shining through the fog, the Father who loves her wholeheartedly, deeply, unconditionally.  The kind words of true friends, the mind tape that should be playing.  And she is angry.  Angry at Satan for trying to destabilize her, to ruin her ministry, for feeding her lies.  She fights, trying to reach home.  She rebukes the lies, crying out for her God.

He reaches out to her every time.  He holds her close.  Christ is victor, Christ is Lord.  See her, love her, reach out to her.  Pray away the demons, see her with His eyes.  She is so adequate.  We are all so much more than adequate.

"For I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  Your works are wonderful, I know that full well" -Ps. 139:14

Jer. 29:11-15

Rainstorm!!!!

There are times in life that are just random and wonderful and amazing and random.  I went to the Gathering tonight (like usual) and every moment was a blessing.  Laughing with friends about bad gifts before, amazing worship.  One of the senior members of the band shared a song he wrote.  It was absolutely beautiful.  To know those lyrics as the song of this man's heart- to see his face as he took in everyone worshiping the Lord in a moment he (through God) helped to create. To sing praise to God.  The message tonight was great as well- it was about blessing and giving thanks to God for the good things we have received, for our greatest temptation is to forget to do so.  What a timely and relevant message as everyone accelerates towards finals.  I feel like I've been able to be present this weekend, and I have felt so blessed for that.  (Side note: I just got done reading several friend's blogs, so I don't feel like I'm writing in quite my own voice so I'm sorry).  We sang the song "10,000 Reasons" which is a new favorite, "Bless the Lord oh my soul, oh my soul, worship His holy name..." Very appropriate to the message.  Love that song.  I stayed around for after worship tonight, which I really need to do more often.  (About 15 minutes after the service ends the band will play some more songs).  Most people peace out before this so the feeling is really intimate and amazing, because of course, our band is AWESOME.  I was blessed to worship with some of beautiful my sisters in Christ- I LOVE to worship with friends.  It is one of the most beautiful things- to be most ourselves and to be together to worship the God we all love.  Wow.  Just, wow.  God is SO good.

Back in my dorm, I had a great chat with two friends in the stairwell of all places, random I know.  I love when God just puts meaningful conversations together  It starts to RAIN.  Like thunder and lightening hardcore knock your socks off RAIN.  I LOVE thunderstorms, just sitting at my window and watching the lightening and being amazed by God's power.  Some girls were out dancing in the street, so I said, what the heck lets do it!  I found some people and out we went.  Half of Hope College had the same idea- I love spontaneous fun moments in big groups of people!  I ended up hanging out with one of my friends for almost an hour- just talking about life (even though she wimped out of playing in the rain).  Blessed, blessed, blessed.  Filled with the joy of the Lord.

Here's the encouragement- on Friday night, I went to an extended night of worship and prayer, which was great.  I was in one of those times where I didn't realize I was in a low patch with God until I started to get out of it.  That's why this weekend has been awesome- the joy of the Lord!