I've been training for a triathlon. Yep, I'm kind of surprised too. I knew that it would be good to do something athletically productive during my time at home, so I've been training throughout the summer with a group of women here at home. The structure and accountability that the group provides is also the only way that I would have had the courage or motivation to even attempt anything like this.
--1/2 mile swim- no problemo. I love water more than land and I spent my childhood at the pool. No worries here.
--15 mile bike- nerve wracking at first, yet I've come to really like biking. I love that pushing it up a hill is usually followed by getting to flyyyyy down. I like going fast. It's work, but it's enjoyable.
--3.4 mile run- I wish we did the events in the opposite order. This for me is the humiliation of junior high PE, its sweaty, its tired, it's scary it's YOU CAN'T in my mind over and over again. Yuck.
I was involved in sports (mostly water related) all throughout my childhood. I have never by any stretch been an athletically gifted person. I was in sports more for the social aspect. I like to eat. I didn't do sports or make working out one of my priorities in college. Since I was a little girl, satan has fed me lies about my body image. So without getting excessively personal and writing a short novel, that's the history.
Coming home into an open six months, with maybe 1/4 the volume of commitments I've been used to having, and in preparation for Thailand, I decided that it would be a good time to tackle these things head on. It's been a journey. Honestly, I haven't even been excessively serious about training aside from official Tri Babes stuff as I thought I would be. One of the many lessons learned: challenges are infinitely easier in community. The journey hasn't been about radically dropping time or working my body to oblivion, but in working hard something much deeper has happened.
The biggest result of this journey has been a slow and subtle shift in some of my thinking. My mental tape has shifted from hate to "good job, strong body." It doesn't mean I got up that hill at lightning speed, it doesn't mean it was easy, it means that my body DID that for me and that is miraculous! Another lesson: encouragement is monumentally more helpful than criticism.
But here is the moment from the other night that I originally sat down to write about. I was doing a bike ride on my own to get ready for this Sunday and I was pushing it up a steep little hill that I hadn't ridden before. I felt it in my legs. I was pretty proud of myself, as I realized I was nearing the crest of the hill. God's voice interrupted my thoughts and He said something to the effect of, "The fact that you're my daughter is still more important. It's still what makes you you."
This accomplishment, which I have fought to achieve. This, which the world and the people in my life tell me is a good thing. It certainly is! It's a big deal! Yet, It is still not where my identity truly lies. I could be the fastest or slowest finisher, I could be the prettiest and have the best body ever, I could be ugly, ultimately, it is NOT what matters. I could become a perfectly proportioned super athlete, I could do any number of things that are very good things, it would still not be where my identity lies.
He calls me Daughter. He has adopted me from my sin and sure death, for nothing that I could ever give Him, BUT BECAUSE LOVE. BECAUSE GRACE. BECAUSE REDEMPTION. The only thing I can do is response is give my life to His glory. That includes my future, my day to day, and yes, this triathlon.
I have a choice on Sunday. Which thoughts do I choose to believe? Do I do what I've done my whole life and believe that I'm not good enough, or do I choose victory? It's an easy choice. It will only be by the strength of the Lord that I swim, roll, and drag myself through the race on Sunday. It will be for His glory, because He is worthy, and He is the one who has set me FREE.
"And oh as you run, what hindered love, will only become, part of the story..." -Steffany Gretzinger
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| One of our lake swim evenings |
