Hey guys. It's been awhile. China happened. http://seekingadventurewitheyesopen.blogspot.com/ if you want to read all about those. Here's been whats on my mind recently since arriving in Colorado for my summer youth ministry internship! Actually its more of a story. I have no idea. Whatever. And some China reflection, which will still be coming for awhile I think.
China was one of the single most amazing experiences of my life. I was so free to just be whoever I wanted, go wherever I wanted, and do whatever I felt like doing. I saw some amazing things, challenged myself with a language that is both beautiful and terrible in the best ways possible, and met some people whom I love deeply. This entire experience challenged a lot of my worldview, God-view, life-view, whatever you want to call it. Things were certainly not the way they are in the Hope bubble. I struggled with how to process not being in a constant Christian community. My faith became an "on my own" sort of thing. I was blessed to take several travel weekends which meant I didn't always make it to church. It was hard. It was so, so, hard. Not that my physical presence in (or out) of a church changes anything about who God is or who I am in Him, but it was so much easier to become discouraged. Everything I knew was so far away.
On the other hand, I realized that the world is not like Hope. Some of the things that I spent a lot of time and effort building up were no longer really relevant to the people I was with. Having a lovely polished story about how God was working in my life. Worship nights were no longer an option. Having a smile in place and making everything seem okay wasn't so important anymore. It was confusing. I doubted. I was faced with a huge feeling that I had failed in some way. My "cup" so to speak was full after an amazing first semester. I knew I was being filled to be emptied, and I was right. When I got back to the States, I was fairly happy to be home and ready to relax before the next adventure. God has given me a lot of grace in the reverse culture shock process. I had to make the turn around in a week and a half and so I did.
Now I'm here. My host family is awesome. They want to know and love me. I have nine and ten year old siblings who just love life so much. My co-workers are awesome too. We spend most of our time together and so have taken the approach of "we're going to be great friends and know each other way too well by the end of this, so lets start now." The church as a whole is incredibly loving, encouraging, and welcoming. The youth group kids have shattered my expectations. They have a deep understanding of loving each other in community that I think many groups of Christians could learn from. They are fun and engaging, and I can't wait to get to know them better.
I turned 21 yesterday. I celebrated by hanging out with my intern pals all day working and then going out to the desert to watch the sunset after a youth leadership team cookout. Goodwill and Macklemore. Cupcakes that shouldn't have been left in the car. A $4 bagel and cream cheese for lunch with enough cream cheese for about three people. We dipped cheez-its in the extra. Taylor Swift turned up in the car. Coffee and the Word. The sandstorm with (60?) mph winds that had us crouching behind our cars. Life chats with the ladies. I realized something, when we were out at the desert, and the sandstorm blows through in all its fury yet its mixed with raindrops, a shower of blessings, as the dust clears and orange and purple and pink glow boldly on the horizon. I'm starting to get my passion back. The passion that I left first semester and Urbana with. When my heart is full of desire for God and MORE of who He is. The passion for Jesus that burns deep inside. The passion that I had to work through in a different way in China, but now its back, and with it comes JOY. That realization was the best birthday gift that I got yesterday.
"Set a fire down in my soul that I can't contain that I can't control, I want more of You God, more of You God... we want more, we want more, we want more, so pour it out... no place I'd rather be than here in Your love." -United Pursuit Band, "Set a Fire"
