ALSO, I haven't officially announced it on here, but you probably know my now, I am fully funded for my time in Thailand and I will be leaving this Saturday, January 3rd! ALL GLORY TO GOD!! Thank you for being a part of this story. Subscribe by email by filling out the bar on the left side of your screen (go to full version if you are on your phone) because my next post will most be likely coming at you live from BANGKOK!!
The vision of my life that has been playing in my head over the last weeks I think has been mainly inspired by this video, as well as some imagery God has given me over the past year and before.
Stick with me here. I'm being metaphorical. We'll see how this goes.
The journey towards the edge starts slowly at first. The sun is setting, a giant ball of orange and pink and gold and wonder. I am far back on the cliff, wondering if I can trust that great ball of fire who sometimes, amazingly, it is so hard to see. I am not left alone on this cliff however, sweet friends say, "come on- look how beautiful the sun is. It's okay. It's still there. Move towards it. You can do it. Take my hand." Slowly, they begin to coax me back towards the edge, the edge where recently so much disappointment and pain had been. I am barely moving, crawling maybe, but I start to move forward. I have to make a decision though. It is time to stand up and walk. I start to walk, growing stronger as those golden rays touch my face.
Each step forward comes, faster and faster it seems. The energy pulling me forward fuels each step. The view changes as I grow closer- I see more of what lies ahead.
I'll stop and explain here. I knew for awhile that God was calling me to work with human trafficking victims, and shortly after that He was calling to me Thailand. Before this, He had called me to study abroad in China (spring 2013). Without writing a separate blog post, it was an amazing experience yet one full of challenges, disappointments, and a gigantic test of faith that totally destroyed and revamped my view of God and myself, hence the difficulty to begin trusting again. I knew that I had to begin the process of saying yes to God and going to Thailand, yet as I felt that God had let me down (though He NEVER does!) this simple yes was at times agonizing.
I am running now, towards the infinite ocean to the blazing ball of fire that causes my heart to beat, in the greatest journey I could ever go on, chasing the heart of God. Friends have been running with me the entire time, but as I move faster and faster their faces start to blur and they push me forward, my hands are pulled from theirs as I near the edge. The edge is terrifying and exhilarating in the deepest way that I know. I see it closer and I can't stop now, the height is terrifying yet love and grace compel me onward. All at once, the edge is upon me and I leap into the great unknown, the ocean, the wings of the dawn.
All because of one three letter word. YES.
I'm more or less reusing the imagery of the video, but let me explain.
Saying YES to God is the single most powerful thing we can do. Saying yes to love, to bravery, to boldness, to humility, to adventure, to giving up everything that we've known or wanted because HE IS WORTH IT ALL.
Yes can be said in joy with both hands raised. But maybe, the most powerful yes comes from being curled up on the floor with nothing left to do but trust God through tears and questions and a broken heart. I know that's how this journey started for me, and since then has contained every possible emotion in between.
Yes is saying no to satan, to sin, to guilt and to shame. It is saying yes to God's infinite, perfect, costly, free, incomprehensible grace. Believe me, do I have a lot to learn about that. As I think of myself on a full, unstoppable sprint towards the edge with only three days left stateside before I move to Thailand, it is my desire for more of the Lord that draws me onward. It is my desire for Him that has given me my heart for justice for the oppressed, freedom for the captives, and healing for the hearts of people.
I want to say that this desire for God is not exclusive to going to the mission field or any kind of job or location. It is for anyone and everyone. I'm not special. It's just that this is the call on my life, and I have chosen to say yes to my Father in Heaven who is more perfect and loving and challenging and infinite than I can understand. If He is who He says He is, He is worth all of me and all of my life.
To Him be the glory.
"Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders, let me walk upon the waters, wherever you would call me." -Hillsong United, "Oceans"
"You make me brave, You call me out beyond the shore and in the waves... no fear can hinder now that Love had made a way" -Bethel Live, "You Make Me Brave"
"If I rise on wings of dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there Your hand will guide me, Your right hand will hold me fast." Psalm 139:9-10
"I'll let go of all I have just to have all of You, and whatever the cost I will follow you, Jesus everything I've lost I have found in You, and when I finally reach the end I'll say- You were worth it all." -Meredith Andrews, "Worth It All"
"We say no to fear, we say yes to love, we will follow You where You're leading us." -spontaneous worship from somewhere
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| Newport Beach, August 2014 |
