I knew this would happen. In the past 3 (not even) weeks that I have been back on Hope's campus, I have been more able to process my experiences in China and Colorado than in the intervening months. I am back in the community that filled me up and sent me out. I am surrounded by people who are willing to listen to me talk without making sense, and who can bring God's wisdom so clearly to conversations. I am with friends who are back from being abroad themselves, who can understand this in a way that no one else can. I think I've compressed about six months of life thoughts into three weeks. But here are just a few.
I had been (until about a week and a half ago) thinking about my China experience in light of the big experiences. Climbing the Great Wall, going to Tibet, having a spiritual train wreck, and all the ways that I felt I had failed or messed up in my experience. In the space of about 24 hours, God totally changed up my thinking. It started with a brochure in the study abroad office (where I now work) with a student testimonial, saying that what that person missed from their experience wasn't the big things, it was the smallest, most ordinary things of each day. This made me think of the things that no one really wants to hear about in a quick summary of big moments and what I learned- walking home and seeing the sunset, enjoying hot baozi off the street, being the obnoxious white people laughing on the subway, watching a parent interact with their child on the bus. Sitting down to dinner with my host family. The way my breakfast was always ready on the table for me in the morning. The sheer adrenaline of stepping off of an overnight train in a brand new city. Much later that night I found myself at the infamous Hope dive, Good Time Doughnuts with a dear sweet friend. I don't remember what I said, besides that I was ranting about coming back to Hope and how yes, I am different and Hope is the same. I don't remember what she said besides to listen and ask questions. But I reached a point of revelation (from God) that I have been searching for for months. Why am I so upset in the ways that I failed? There were so many moments that were absolutely beautiful! Maybe the whisper I heard on the Great Wall- "I brought you here so that you could trust, love, and know Me" was more profound than I had thought. Maybe there was more to be found in the trips for bubble tea and the sensory experience of walking down a busy Chinese street at night than I realized.
Skip ahead a few days, to the study abroad returners reception. I end up in conversation long after the event ended with two friends. God's grace becomes a topic of conversation. I am not going to do this wise nugget justice with a shaky paraphrase but here we go- "Even if I'm doing everything right, I can still fall into sin... it's only by God's strength that I can do anything... MY DARKNESS DOES NOT SIGNIFY HIS LACK OF GOODNESS." I almost started crying right there in the middle of Martha. Six months of nagging "if only" thoughts were put into new perspective. Being in a dry season does not mean that God is more or less present and active in my life. Just look at the psalms of lament- the hungriest we are for God is in the dry times. Hearing a friend minister from pain was beautiful and heartbreaking as well. Not to mention the sweet relief that I'm not the only one who went through what I did.
Today I had a talk (in the stairway of an academic building of all places) with another good friend. After listening to some China stories she brought up something that she learned over the summer- the importance of being able to seek and rejoice in God in the mundane circumstances. Many of the moments that I saw God working both in China and in my summer were not the big crazy fire everywhere experiences. They were the sweet little moments. Simply a beautiful view, a friendly exchange, a good meal. The things like that that are simple reflections of His goodness. These things are reality. At a place like Hope, its very easy to think that life is simply a string of spiritual highs. It's easy to think that this incredible community is the way that Christian life always is.
Guess what.
This is nothing like the real world. The Hope community has many great qualities that we can help bring to communities that we are part of in the future. But it won't be like this. The automatic sanctuary of Schoon chapel won't be available anymore, there won't be worship nights full of friends waiting to pray over us. These things are so beautiful. Yet, they are preparing us for something else. This is a stepping stone, not the final stop. Rejoicing in the mundane helps us to seek God wherever we are. Right now I am a Hope College student. I am going to make as much out of this year as I possibly can. It is not community or friends or wonderful music that we worship but the very person of Christ Himself. Everything else is secondary. In China, everything about myself, other people, the world, and my roll in it was shaken up in a big or small way. One truth remained.
Christ has died, Christ has risen, Christ will come again.
I'm loving being back at Hope. Reunions with friends that I have been anticipating since I said goodbye to them. My places- the chapel, Schoon, LJ's, JP's, the Pine Grove, my new apartment with new friends that I love. The fundamental Truth hasn't changed though. I'm thankful for one more season of being incredibly blessed by these people and this place, and my prayer is that I can give back to the people of Hope even a small piece of what they have given me. Seeking His face, rejoicing in the mundane, finding Him the most in solitude.
ALSO, huge shout out to everyone who has listened to me, asked about my experience, or just been happy to see my in general in the past few weeks. You certainly have made me feel right back at home in spite of the awkwardness of being back from abroad and being a senior thing. I LOVE ALL OF YOU LOTS.
