Surrounding the issues of sex trafficking and prostitution, we talk a lot about the women trapped in the industry. We hear their stories of abuse and pain, of new found love and freedom. But what about the other 50%? What about the men? In this case I'm talking about the customers, the men who come and participate in some way, whether buying a girl out for a week or having a drink at one of the beer bars with a girl. I heard it from day one at NightLight, even before, during training:
We have to have compassion for the men.
When I get to this part of my tour speech, I usually say it at least three times. Because it takes that many times and so many more times for it to sink in. We have to have compassion for the men. It's not the immediate reaction that someone will have to observing life in the red light district, it's not the image that anyone has of these men.
What if the image we had was of a lost and broken human? What if we thought about these men, not as slobbering pigs, but as people who have been hurt along the way? These things certainly don't excuse their behavior, but they need to be addressed. There are a variety of factors that will bring a men to a red light district, and it's probably not just one. Pornography addiction is a big one. Porn is addictive in the same way that drugs are, and full of lies about what sex is supposed to be like. Maybe a relationship fell apart at home. Maybe he's lonely, or suffered abuse in his past. Maybe all of these things have made him into someone that he never thought he could be, a man that's not who God made him to be.
We have to have compassion for the men.
I have seen 60+ year old men with 20 year old women. I have seen men walk into a room and choose a woman like they might look at new shoes or order a meal. I have seen the fear in her eyes as she leaves with him. I have seen her face as he grabs at her, when he can't see the disgust and shame in her eyes as she turns away and pretends to have fun. I have seen so many men who have flown around the world for these temporary pleasures.
We have to have compassion for the men.
The anger in me built up and simmered. I realized when I saw a foreign man (alone or with a Thai woman), that I would begin to assume the worst of him. Don't get me wrong, there are some pretty bad dudes that come here, buying sex is never okay, and there is nothing in me condoning what these men are doing. But over the months of being here, over the conversations with people who have been here much longer than me, I see that anger and condemnation are not the answers. These things are part of life, and it is not a victory for the Lord if I hold these things.
In July, my Thai class was made up of five American men, one other woman, and me. I walked in and actually laughed (in my head) because I knew that God was going to use it to teach me something. Lo and behold, I was right. In the midst of learning the Thai alphabet (which was actually really fun), we had a lot of interesting conversations about everything from where to find the best Mexican food in Southern California to the distinctions between Thailand's many islands. They are a nice group guys, and keep in mind I cannot speak for all of their intentions being here in Bangkok, or if these particular guys even engage with the sex industry in any way.
One day, came the moment that I turned a major corner. He didn't know that I heard him say this, but I overheard one of the guys say, "well, we're just a bunch of numb skulls looking for love." Yep. There it is. These guys are human beings, just like the rest of us. Are there evil evil things that happen here? Yep. Totally. Is seeing every man as the slobbering pig truthful? Not at all.
We have to have compassion for the men.
I came here with a heart for women working in Thailand's sex industry. I was, am, and will be prepared to fight for them in whatever way that may look like. But, fighting for these women also means fighting for the men. Because they are worthy of and searching for freedom and healing and identity just as much as anyone else, and because this will never change any other way. I will leave here with fire in my bones for these women, but for the men who are part of this cycle too. And it's all because of the one who came that we may be free- Jesus.
An awesome group of guys doing this work right here in BKK: http://www.mstproject.com/
NightLight is in major need of some more volunteers if you or someone you know has a heart for the sexually exploited in Thailand: click here
What if the image we had was of a lost and broken human? What if we thought about these men, not as slobbering pigs, but as people who have been hurt along the way? These things certainly don't excuse their behavior, but they need to be addressed. There are a variety of factors that will bring a men to a red light district, and it's probably not just one. Pornography addiction is a big one. Porn is addictive in the same way that drugs are, and full of lies about what sex is supposed to be like. Maybe a relationship fell apart at home. Maybe he's lonely, or suffered abuse in his past. Maybe all of these things have made him into someone that he never thought he could be, a man that's not who God made him to be.
We have to have compassion for the men.
I have seen 60+ year old men with 20 year old women. I have seen men walk into a room and choose a woman like they might look at new shoes or order a meal. I have seen the fear in her eyes as she leaves with him. I have seen her face as he grabs at her, when he can't see the disgust and shame in her eyes as she turns away and pretends to have fun. I have seen so many men who have flown around the world for these temporary pleasures.
We have to have compassion for the men.
The anger in me built up and simmered. I realized when I saw a foreign man (alone or with a Thai woman), that I would begin to assume the worst of him. Don't get me wrong, there are some pretty bad dudes that come here, buying sex is never okay, and there is nothing in me condoning what these men are doing. But over the months of being here, over the conversations with people who have been here much longer than me, I see that anger and condemnation are not the answers. These things are part of life, and it is not a victory for the Lord if I hold these things.
In July, my Thai class was made up of five American men, one other woman, and me. I walked in and actually laughed (in my head) because I knew that God was going to use it to teach me something. Lo and behold, I was right. In the midst of learning the Thai alphabet (which was actually really fun), we had a lot of interesting conversations about everything from where to find the best Mexican food in Southern California to the distinctions between Thailand's many islands. They are a nice group guys, and keep in mind I cannot speak for all of their intentions being here in Bangkok, or if these particular guys even engage with the sex industry in any way.
One day, came the moment that I turned a major corner. He didn't know that I heard him say this, but I overheard one of the guys say, "well, we're just a bunch of numb skulls looking for love." Yep. There it is. These guys are human beings, just like the rest of us. Are there evil evil things that happen here? Yep. Totally. Is seeing every man as the slobbering pig truthful? Not at all.
We have to have compassion for the men.
I came here with a heart for women working in Thailand's sex industry. I was, am, and will be prepared to fight for them in whatever way that may look like. But, fighting for these women also means fighting for the men. Because they are worthy of and searching for freedom and healing and identity just as much as anyone else, and because this will never change any other way. I will leave here with fire in my bones for these women, but for the men who are part of this cycle too. And it's all because of the one who came that we may be free- Jesus.
An awesome group of guys doing this work right here in BKK: http://www.mstproject.com/
NightLight is in major need of some more volunteers if you or someone you know has a heart for the sexually exploited in Thailand: click here
