Joy that Fills

I am alone at a table in a Japanese restaurant, in one of Bangkok’s infamously numerous malls next to a window, a steaming bowl of ramen next to me.  I am full of joy.  For the past few days, I’ve been pretty empty emotionally.  There’s not one thing that I can say that contributes to that, its just something that happens in life, and there’s a lot of things going on in my life here.  I think that goes for most people wherever they are.

God is faithful.  The past few days at NightLight we’ve had a team from Bethel Church with us.  The girls went on outreach on Friday night, and the entire group has been providing prayer ministry and encouragement to NightLight women and staff.  Today, I went upstairs for prayer.  A group of five of the team prayed and prophesied over me.  Much of what they said was spot on and even answered some questions that have been bumping around in my mind for some time now.  What a gift.  I don’t know if I will see these people again this side of heaven.  I don’t even know everyone’s name in the group.  That’s even part of what makes it special.  Prophecy is speaking God’s words.  These people didn’t know me at all, yet what they said was so specific that it had to have come from Heaven.  That’s what has me undone today- that God would speak, care for, and love me in this way.  He uses His people to communicate all the time, and He knew what I needed to be reminded of today.  I felt so known and loved in that room, as if I had been with my closest friends.  My heart has been aching for that.  Today, I am full of joy, not because I met some cool people and they were nice to me, but because God sees me and cares for me and knows me.  I am full of joy because things make a little more sense now.  One of the things that was spoken over me today was that I’m full of joy and I shouldn’t be afraid to walk in that fully, not holding back.  Once again, He fills the emptiness.  He has been so faithful in that here- I have Him and His presence.  He’s there waiting.  He is good.

It’s hard to know what to write here.  Much of what I want to say isn’t to be said over the internet.  Much of it I don’t have words for.  God has me in a growing place, a pressing in place.  It’s messy and it’s personal, and it’s so beautiful because He’s right here, even when it doesn’t feel like it.  That being said, it’s high time for an update on my life.  I’m getting more comfortable in my roles at NightLight.  We’ve had a lot of guests this month which has been awesome, and also that I’ve been busy at work.  I finished my first section of language school today as well.  I feel like all of the information is in my mind but is still working on coming out how and when I want it to.  Prayer for that would be awesome.  Thai new year’s is coming up soon and in 10 short days I will be on my way to the south of Thailand for some very much needed rest.  Thank you, my sweet friends and supporters.  I would not be here without your love, prayer, and encouragement.  I’m so excited for what God is doing here, not only in me, but in Thailand and at Nightlight.  Thank you!  What do you want to know about my life here?  Let me know, and I'll work it into future posts!

This is my life now...

Assignment

Hey friends, I think Bangkok is getting hotter by the day.  Oh buddy.  If you're reading this with snow outside your window, I'm sorry.  Maybe.  One of my happiest moments since my last post was that I got to see my roommate from senior year Ellie and her husband Jake as they had a layover in Bangkok for an evening.  I cannot tell you how much joy it gave me to be with her again, catching up on Jesus glory stories, laughing at our jokes, and being loved by people who know me so very well.  It was hard to have to say goodbye again after only a few hours, but I'm so thankful for God providing that experience and reminding me how He loves to care for us, even in the seemingly small things.

In other news, I started language class today.  Our first class was learning vowels, consonants, and tones.  I had thought that knowing Chinese tones would help me out with Thai, but the tones are just different enough that it's confusing.  On the other hand, my China experience has been such a valuable stepping stone to Thailand in more way than one.  Because really, everything is preparation for something when you follow Jesus!

I went to Laos this past weekend with my friend and housemate Kate to apply for our education visas that will carry us through the rest of our time in Thailand.  We got into a van with a bunch of other expats in the evening on Wednesday, and drove all night until we got to the Laos border and walked across at 6am.  It was very much like a movie scene of some kind- a hoard of people with backpacks walking though a giant gate in early morning darkness.  However, we only had to walk because Thailand and Laos drive on opposite sides of the roads, and right hand drive vehicles aren't allowed across the border.  After that we waited in some lines, went to the Thai Consulate, and waited in more lines.  Kate and I's motto was to relax so we slept, watched movies and sat outside at our hotel.  The next day we received our visas, visited in excellent little coffee shop in Vientiane, and returned to Thailand.

That brings me to my next point.  A few weeks ago, I finished reading Unstoppable by Christine Caine.  I highly recommend it!  She compares life to God to running a relay race- being prepared, being ready for exchanges, and how everyone on the team does their part.  One idea she talks about is that of "knowing your assignment."  In her example (and in my life right now), it specifically applies to ministry.  We are most effective for God when we know exactly what we're supposed to be doing and doing it well.  The evening we were at the hotel, there was a most glorious sunset.  I was spending some time with God on one of the balconys, but the sun was away from me.  I ended up in a cleaning closet (that was only closed off by a curtain), with worship playing on my phone watching the sun go down in every color.

I thought about the people and nation of Laos, where churches are under scrutiny and Christians have been imprisoned and told to renounce their faith.  My heart cried out to God.  And yet, I sensed God say, ever so subtly, "this isn't your assignment."  My assignment was south of me at that time, in another South East Asian nation that is winning my heart in ways I didn't know were possible.  Because right now, this year, Thailand is my place and my people.  He has me to be here. Does that time and that love extend past November?  I can't answer that yet.  What I do know is that there's something about being here that's right and important.  It's more than me liking the food and the palm trees (even if my Instagram would give other ideas), it's a love in my heart that is bigger than me because its supernatural.  It's God's heart to see these people know Jesus Christ as Lord.  This is big and I'm not sure what exactly the make of that yet because it's one thing that could mean so many different things.  But, woah.  Because He loves this place a whole heck of a lot, and so do I.

Prayer Requests:
--grace and patience as I add Thai classes and studying to my schedule, and that I would have supernatural understanding for this language.  I haven't had much luck with language learning in the past, and I hope this time will be different!
--for outreach on Friday, that God's love would be tangible and communication between us and the women would be clear and meaningful.  Pray that it would be a night of blessing, healing, and God's presence!

Ellie and I! I'm so thankful for this.

Waiting to cross into Laos