Humility

If I could choose one word to describe encounters with God it would be humbling.  Being used by God is one of the most amazing and humbling things I can think of.  I've had experiences where I've known that I was speaking what God wanted me to say or what God wanted me to do.  Sometimes these experiences can seem like a really big deal, such as delivering the morning message to a group of campers, sometimes they are simply following the nudge to talk to someone and having a conversation that needed to be had.  I walk away from these situations usually with a "wow, that was pretty cool, I guess I can do something right!" feeling, but more importantly being totally in awe of God.  When I know the words did not come from me, I know that I am a small part of something so much bigger than me, when the words expand into something bigger than I can have imagined.  When the choice to serve or follow God leads to things no one would believe.  I am humbled that God would choose to use me for His great and vast purpose here on this earth.  I am astounded by His greatness.  I am humbled, to be a broken human who is allowed to mess up over and over again, and still invited into His presence.

Sometimes this humility is less glamorous too, and I am reminded of it in the smallest ways.  Its the look on my roommates face when I know I've crossed the line, but she gently corrects me in love.  Its the fact that my stuff is strewn all over the living room, and I say that I'll clean it up even though I probably won't, and I'm still loved and accepted.  Its the way that these girls have sought to know me, and see Christ in me.  I'm humbled.  They know me and they still love me, even though I'm not the perfect roommate.  Being humbled by God isn't the same as having my ego taken down a peg or being embarrassed by something.  There is such peace in knowing that I'm never going to have it all together, but that He does.  This is the word from God I've gotten recently... I still love you.  I screw up daily.  I put my eyes on worldly things, I think unkindly of others, I don't spend my time as I should.  He still loves me.

I am humbled in His presence.