Red Rocks and Radical Grace: My Summer

I haven't really been into the whole blogging thing this summer, aside from one post at the very beginning and a few China wrap ups.  A lot of what I did this summer was to be involved very closely with other people and their stories, which aren't really my business to blog about anyways.  However, it was a summer more fun, challenging, beautiful, and full of lessons than I ever expected.

What did I expect?  I don't really remember anymore.  I expected to be surrounded and rocked (pun intended) by God's creation on a regular basis and this definitely happened.  I more fully realized my love for hiking and mountains, and witnessed countless spectacular views with incredible people.  I expected to pour into youth group kids.  I didn't expect them to give me more than I could have given them.  I expected the drama quintessential of teenagers.  They surprised me in their maturity and grace, as they do with most things.  I'm not sure if I really expected to be "on my game" spiritually or not because of how challenging the last season was.  Many of my most memorable "God learning" moments came from being spectacularly far from my game.  Here comes a buzzword: humility.  

I'm not trying to talk about humility in a "look at me I'm so humble" contradictory sort of way, it's what I learned.  Here comes the red rocks part of the title.  Grand Junction, Colorado is in the desert, surrounded by many beautiful red rock cliffs.  The floor mats of my car are still covered in red rock dust from many pairs of hiking shoes.  It was everywhere I looked all the time this summer.  My boss Brad, has a passion for rock climbing.  And I mean a passion.  Naturally, the interns learn to climb and belay, and we took the kids on a few climbing outings.  Red rock, up close and personal.  And if you're me, its an up close and personal struggle.  In my exit interview and other closing "what did you learn" settings I cited rock climbing as a challenge that I wasn't meant to fulfill- an example of when I had to accept my weaknesses.  People usually just chuckled with me and agreed that yes, its okay for me not to be able to rock climb.  What I didn't share with the entire church staff, was that my lack of rock climbing abilities was more than that failure- it opened the floodgates to many other things I have believed about myself for a very long time.  About my body, it's capabilities, the way that it looks, and what that means for my future.  I am well aware that my beauty and worth are found in Christ.  I know that.  But things feel a lot different when I'm hanging off the side of a cliff, trying not to panic, and trying and not succeeding to make the next hold.  Not to mention its very public failure.  I don't think anyone I was with judged me too deeply, and if they did they wisely kept it to themselves.  But I like to be good at things.  And rock climbing, physical coordination in general is not one of them.  I realized this when it was articulated in a video that we interns watched, talking about strengths.  Rather than focus on and try and fix my weaknesses, I can build on my strengths.  

More than confronting my weaknesses, it was this vulnerability in combination with the love that was showed to me by those around me that radically impacted my summer.  It was my kiddos- who surprised me so much from the very beginning.  The high schooler's willingness to be engaged and to serve in New York, the joy that overtakes a middle school girl.  Literal, physical takeover of joy, with screaming and flapping and rapid movement.  The degree to which I got to be myself at Great Escape, rejoicing over the smallest things, and tackling big questions about faith and the next minute laughing about puppies or something like that.  The fact that these girls loved me and allowed me to love them.  I still can't even explain why this had such a powerful impact on me.  The moment when some of them gave their lives to Jesus, there, on that night.  Realizing the immensity of life transformed, being a part of it, the deep joy that only comes from that.  Other nights, making milkshake runs to Sonic, having conversations instead of playing ultimate frisbee, going camping in the rain, climbing mountains, and laughter, like a running soundtrack.  

My coworkers, who I could not have done this without.  Brad's thoughtfulness and servant leadership, coupled with pedicures.  His distaste for hiking and my distaste for climbing combining on Uncompahgre.  A question that Erik frequently asked was "How can I serve you right now?"  We did a successful (if I don't say so myself) week of VBS coming in exhausted and even more exhausted.  Miss Jordan.  My other half.  We did absolutely everything together this summer and barely got sick of each other (or she hid it very well).  Work stuff and fun stuff.  All the time.  Probably because of how different we are, we worked super well together, bringing totally different gifts and mindsets and complimenting each other in ways that only God could ordain.  She taught me about friendship, peace, patience, loving our girlies, and peach ice cream.  She blessed me with her wisdom in more ways than one.  I was the crazy one in the group, which will be surprising to some people but not others.  Tapering my energy was another one of those tough lessons- what was me showing love may not have been how someone received it, and it's selfish of me to insist upon loving in my own way.  They put up with my stories, when I didn't ask them for their own nearly enough, and showed me in such a real way, radical Gospel grace.

I'm in withdrawal mode right now.  I miss my friends.  I miss hiking.  I miss getting to hang out with really cool people as my job.  I miss those nights at Sonic.  I climbed mountains this summer.  Metaphorical and literal- two fourteeners and one Grand Junction icon in the mud.  Only could have done it through God's strength.  And in my weakness, His strength prevails.  It was a summer for the books, with many stories to be shared.  Red rocks and radical grace.  His love never fails.

I lean not on my own understanding

My life is in the hands of the maker of heaven

I give it all to You God 

Trusting that you'll make something beautiful out of me

I will climb this mountain with my hands wide open

There's nothing I hold onto

-United Pursuit Band