Hope

This is baby Hope!  She arrived yesterday at only a few hours old!  And it was a total coincidence that I was wearing a Hope shirt.  She is SO TINY oh my goodness.  I think all the blankets might have actually weighed more than her.  (But really).  What a privilege to hold a child so young, to be part of her very first hours on earth.  Because of where I go to school, the concept of hope is huge for me, as my time at and journey to Hope are such huge evidences of God working in my life.  It represents a home and a time of great spiritual growth.  This baby (the first one to arrive at the AGC Baby Centre while I've been here) has been a huge reminder from God that He called me here this summer.  It's a huge blessing to have that reminder.  I went down to help feed her for the 10:30 feeding last night.  It was so peaceful, with all the little babies sleeping, to just sit with Hope and try and make her eat.  I'm becoming more comfortable with the routine here, and this little darling has brought such joy.  Bless the Lord oh my soul!

Today, I went to Salgaa for the first time.  There is a ministry to prostitutes there through the Africa Gospel Church (parent of AGC Baby Centre).  Wow.  The work team that has been here has been there as well, so we broke into several groups and went to visit the women in their homes.  The woman my group visited with told us her story with unswerving honesty, although there were tears on her face at times (and others in the room as well).  Through the combination of her life circumstances, she ended up in her situation- a situation that very quickly became a trap.  Now, she has accepted salvation and attends the support group part of the ministry, yet her life is still very hard.  We encouraged her.  We prayed for her.  We shared scripture with her.  We cried with her and for her, and for the countless other women in that situation.  Though I walked away heartbroken for her situation, she still has heard the Gospel.  She has knowledge of the one thing that can save her.  There is hope in that!  To see her through God's eyes, a beautiful and broken child, is to see hope.

"Those who sow with tears, will reap with songs of joy.  Those who go out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying their sheaves with them." --Psalms 126:5-6

A Good Afternoon

Yesterday we ran afoul of some chicken salad, not leading to the best 24 hours ever.  Ah well, it happens.  Thus, I spent the day sleeping, reading, watching movies, doing sudoku puzzles, and wishing I was at home.  Today we were supposed to help lead a girl's Bible study at the local church, which I was super excited about.  Teen girls are an age group that I love to work with, and they have a much higher chance of understanding English than the babies!  We got there to find that there was a work team from a college and Tennessee there.  Oh joy!  People my own age!  The kids were having so much fun playing with the team, and only a few showed up any way, that Staci decided to just let everyone relax and hang out.  I had a great talk with one of the team leaders who is actually the daughter of the famed Dr. Steury of Tenwek Hospital (WGM hospital in Kenya).  She was really encouraging and just brought me an awesome sense of peace, with her easygoing personality and experience with missions and Kenyan culture.  Then some Kenyan college students showed up for a big game of volleyball.  Volleyball is not on my list of specialties, but it was so great to have really good conversations and have people encourage me in what I'm doing.  I definitely fed off the work team's energy, which was so welcome after being cooped up in the apartment.  I'm realizing how used I am to having people around me all the time, to come here and have a different situation is a little bit daunting and lonely.  Don't get me wrong, the people I am with are great, I'm just used to having a cluster or building or campus or house full of people, and my phone to easily communicate with any of them no matter where I am.  Today was good though.  It was encouraging and energizing, and finally got me out of the haze of literal sickness and homesickness. I'm really excited to go to church tomorrow to help with Sunday school, interact with the team more and have worship.  Bless the Lord oh my soul!

Pray for:
- peace, presence, purpose, patience. (alliteration for the win)
- meaningful relationships to be built and deepened
- communication

The First Days

Well, I'm here and I'm alive and unharmed.  I have already experienced so much in just a week after leaving home!  I made my first international flight by myself to London (yes Mama, I had a cup of tea on the plane) where I met up with my mission buddy for the next 5 weeks Mary.  We went to our hotel, and then rode the Underground into the city!  I have dreamed of going to London for as long as I can remember, and it was even teh Queen's Jubilee weekend!  Crowds of people really are the same anywhere you go though (and all the tourists can't agree what side of the side walk to on), and Buckingham palace was closed off for the festivities.  Westminster Abbey was awesome, and I even got the quintessential picture peeking out of a red phone booth.  Our train passes were good all day, so we ended up just riding around finding cool places to go- that was my favorite thing- having the freedom to go anywhere in the city.  And I even got to Platform 9 3/4.  Life goal accomplished.  London is someplace I most certainly want to explore again with more time, maybe not on the weekend of the Queen's Jubilee, or a month before the Olympics start.  A rainy Tuesday would be perfect.  Our flight to Nairobi the next day was a little delayed, so we didn't get in until pretty late.  After an agonizing wait for my bags (I think they were the very last ones off the plane, and I was very afraid of losing my luggage!) we met Staci, our host missionary and went to the WGM guest house in Nairobi.  Thus, I didn't get my first glimpse of Kenya in the daylight until the next morning when we started the 3 hour drive to Nakuru.  Its the rainy season, so everything is really green!  Its beautiful.  The Baby Centre is about 15 minutes out of Nakuru, on a very bumpy dirt road, surrounded by fields of maize and red-roofed houses.  Mary and I are sharing a guest apartment.
Working with the babies has been harder than I thought.  There is always someone crying, and not all of them are used to seeing white people.  I'll get more into my thoughts on being here in another post.  Adjusting has been trickier than I thought- this isn't glamorous folks.  It's noisy and messy, and there are more kids that need attention than I possibly have limbs for.  I'm trying to learn the names of the babies and the staff, and find the ways that I can be a help and blessing to this ministry.  The kiddos are napping right now, so Mary and I have an organizing project in the office.  I know that this is what God has planned for me this summer, and that I will feel more comfortable as time goes on, I'm just really overwhelmed right now!

Please pray for:
- continued relationship building with the kids and especially the staff
- better understanding of accented English!  I hate having to ask people to repeat what they've said when I should be able to understand it
- senses of purpose and peace
- as always, for God to move mightily!

Loved

Well, I leave for Kenya in 4 days.  My time at home has flown by, and it has been great to relax, see people, and do things I don't normally have time to, like reading books for fun and craft.  One of the best moments of the break, was church yesterday.  I spoke briefly at both services about the trip and how people can pray for me and such.  I was completely blown away by my congregation's response.  I've been to church probably 10 times in the past two years, with being at school and camp.  I was completely blown away by a beautiful quilt from the quilting ministry, and it was awesome to be prayed over during the services.  People I don't even know were assuring me prayer, and wishing me well.  Just the sight of the faces of some of my dearest friends smiling at me the entire time I was up front filled my heart with joy.  Its not so often I get to see those faces in real life.  To hear people who have known me my whole life say, "We're so proud of you, God is going to do great things."  It doesn't matter that I've been gone- they love and support me just the same.  To be with people who understand and support missions, and who know and love me, is indeed a blessing.  I don't need human affirmation for what I'm doing this summer, its what God's calling me to do, but it sure was nice to feel so much love right before I'm about to leave.  To be home.  To be where I am myself, right before a beautiful new adventure, bless the Lord oh my soul.

Finding Home in the crazy places

9 days.  That's all I have.  Then I'll move out of Dykstra Hall for the last time.  Its crazy, but even after two years, I'm going to miss it.  Even after being an RA and one of the only sophomores in the infamous all freshmen girls dorm, I'm sad to leave.  This place holds a piece for my heart.  It holds my own freshman year, snug and cozy in my little cluster home, life chats with the roommate watching feet of snow fall outside, the insane moving to college emotional rollercoaster, so much growing up.  It holds a new adventure, in loving 22 awesome freshman ladies and watching them grow from wide eyed newbies to awesome friends, in a beautiful sisterhood in my staff, in the crazy moments that comes with being an RA, in the moments where all I can do is laugh.  I've never (will never) live in a dorm with normal hallways or with guys down the hall.  My heart is here, for these girls, for the craziness this unique set up brings, the life season that freshman year is.  We had our last staff meeting tonight, with a wonderful encouragement activity, gag gifts appropriate to our year, and a wooden shoe with my name on it.  We laughed until we cried, we cried until we laughed.  I'm going to miss those girls to pieces.  We shared a very unique with job, and those girls have been the ones who have supported me unconditionally through this year, because they're the ones who really get what this job is.  I had my last night of duty, hanging out in our high quality pea soup colored duty box, watching Friends in the lobby, doing rounds.  I walked through the dorms when I visited junior year, and I automatically knew that this was where I wanted to live, passing up the chance to live in the "intentionally diverse" community which would have tied in well with my global interests.  I have met so many amazing women here, and had the privilege to live in a unique, crazy, loving, community.  God brought me here, and I am so thankful for both the great freshman living situation I had and the blessing it has been to love and serve my residents and my staff.  A big, white cinder block, stereotypically dorm has become home.  I've learned to make home in the crazy places, my home is in Christ, and I know that I will be able to find home wherever I go.

Adequate.

The attack is silent, swift, deadly, hidden.  Satan comes not in fire, brimstone, loud noise, or open persecution.  He comes cunningly, sneakily, to her fragile heart, her anxious thoughts.  The tape, on mind numbing, soul crushing repeat:

You have no value.
No one cares about you.
You have nothing to offer.
You're worthless.
No one likes you.
See what she said about that person?  Clearly you will never be as good as them.
Everyone else is so much better than you, what's wrong with you?
You can't control anything.
No one wants to be around you.
Everyone but you has friends.
You are invisible.
You can't do this.
You will fail.
God is disappointed with you.  Who do you think you are to think you can do such great things through Him?  You're clearly not as close with Him as everyone else, you are are
so
inadequate.
You don't belong.

She shrivels, and tries to fight, the constant battle of Satan's lies.  But she spirals downward, as she stops believing in her capability to argue back, as she is cut to the core, with the very words that hurt the most.

She sees hope, shining through the fog, the Father who loves her wholeheartedly, deeply, unconditionally.  The kind words of true friends, the mind tape that should be playing.  And she is angry.  Angry at Satan for trying to destabilize her, to ruin her ministry, for feeding her lies.  She fights, trying to reach home.  She rebukes the lies, crying out for her God.

He reaches out to her every time.  He holds her close.  Christ is victor, Christ is Lord.  See her, love her, reach out to her.  Pray away the demons, see her with His eyes.  She is so adequate.  We are all so much more than adequate.

"For I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  Your works are wonderful, I know that full well" -Ps. 139:14

Jer. 29:11-15

Rainstorm!!!!

There are times in life that are just random and wonderful and amazing and random.  I went to the Gathering tonight (like usual) and every moment was a blessing.  Laughing with friends about bad gifts before, amazing worship.  One of the senior members of the band shared a song he wrote.  It was absolutely beautiful.  To know those lyrics as the song of this man's heart- to see his face as he took in everyone worshiping the Lord in a moment he (through God) helped to create. To sing praise to God.  The message tonight was great as well- it was about blessing and giving thanks to God for the good things we have received, for our greatest temptation is to forget to do so.  What a timely and relevant message as everyone accelerates towards finals.  I feel like I've been able to be present this weekend, and I have felt so blessed for that.  (Side note: I just got done reading several friend's blogs, so I don't feel like I'm writing in quite my own voice so I'm sorry).  We sang the song "10,000 Reasons" which is a new favorite, "Bless the Lord oh my soul, oh my soul, worship His holy name..." Very appropriate to the message.  Love that song.  I stayed around for after worship tonight, which I really need to do more often.  (About 15 minutes after the service ends the band will play some more songs).  Most people peace out before this so the feeling is really intimate and amazing, because of course, our band is AWESOME.  I was blessed to worship with some of beautiful my sisters in Christ- I LOVE to worship with friends.  It is one of the most beautiful things- to be most ourselves and to be together to worship the God we all love.  Wow.  Just, wow.  God is SO good.

Back in my dorm, I had a great chat with two friends in the stairwell of all places, random I know.  I love when God just puts meaningful conversations together  It starts to RAIN.  Like thunder and lightening hardcore knock your socks off RAIN.  I LOVE thunderstorms, just sitting at my window and watching the lightening and being amazed by God's power.  Some girls were out dancing in the street, so I said, what the heck lets do it!  I found some people and out we went.  Half of Hope College had the same idea- I love spontaneous fun moments in big groups of people!  I ended up hanging out with one of my friends for almost an hour- just talking about life (even though she wimped out of playing in the rain).  Blessed, blessed, blessed.  Filled with the joy of the Lord.

Here's the encouragement- on Friday night, I went to an extended night of worship and prayer, which was great.  I was in one of those times where I didn't realize I was in a low patch with God until I started to get out of it.  That's why this weekend has been awesome- the joy of the Lord!